Confessions of a Reluctant Bachelor

http://www.theglobeandmail.com/commentary/the-awful-truth-about-being-single/article7536781/

Interesting piece. I've been reading this feature series off and on over the past week in the Globe. Judging from the comments, she as usual hit a raw nerve. For the record, I'm single not by some grand plan but more of a case life just shaking out that way. While I'm blessed with friends and family who have my back no matter what along with all the other trappings a decent life affords, yes I'm lonely, there I said it, lonely on occasion. Yes I've done online dating off and on over the years and met a lot of wonderful women who deserve to meet the right man for them, it just wasn't me and that's ok, I'm an acquired taste. 

Honestly I'm not sold on online dating because while it's stupid easy to meet a lot of people, making a lasting connection with a perfect stranger however, lets just say people like the idea of of happy ever after but don't necessarily want to do the heavy lifting to make it happen by becoming friends first. Speaking of which, I was friends with my last girlfriend before we became "more than just friends" and I'm happy we did because even though the relationship ended, we became friends again and I'm super privileged she's one of those who got my back. 

Oh, yeah while I may be lonely, I'm not desperate.


I posted the above this morning on my Facebook feed, yes a little oversharing but the week long Globe and Mail feature on being single caught my attention and Margaret Wente's Saturday Op-ed piece (link above) struck a nerve. Now posting that I'm a reluctant bachelor felt lonely on occasion despite the fact of having a complete life became a Rorschach test. 

What I found interesting is the women who posted were much more pro single life than the men who left comments. Thing is I'm pretty much in the "whatever works best for you" camp, you want be single, that's ok. In my case after a decade or so of bachelorhood by default and not design, I'm ready for something more in life. 

Problem is while I'm ready for a healthy relationship, I really don't like dating and I put my Ok Cupid profile on ice while I figure out what to do with it. As mentioned above in my FB timeline posting,  meeting women online is stupid easy, a compelling tightly written profile will get you a lot of attention, I was averaging 30 visits a week. Building the the relationship through being friends is where the real challenge comes in. One thing to fall head over heals for someone, the big test is five years later will I still be with her and be talking over breakfast? 

That's just it, I want to slowly fall in love with my best friend, whoever she is and hopefully is on the same page as I am. 

Brave New Year.

I get asked on occasion what are my new year's resolutions are, hate to disappoint you but I don't make them as rule. I save my resolutions for my birthday because making lifestyle adjustments this time of year for all their good intentions usually fail, sometimes miserably.

For me New Year's Day is a time to reflect on what I have done in 2012 and the impact I made on the people I care about. I wish more people did this, not sure it will make the world a better place but more self knowledge is a good thing.

Looking at the upcoming year, I see limitless possibilities. I'm planning a return trip to New York for a week to do some more shooting and a bit of shopping. My running will continue, last year by August, I was averaging about 36KM per week. I want to go further if I can this year.

Well, ok if you still want some New Year's resolutions here they are:

1) Write on here more often than  handful times per year.

2) Get three more clients to supplement the one I have at the moment.

3) Keep on living.

Happy New Year!

Bill 

Online Dating, Third Time Lucky?

What's that saying, "Famous last words?"

A year ago I killed my Match.com profile out of frustration and just entered a period of self exile. At the urging of a colleague and dear friend Lindsay, I got back into the game on OK Cupid this past March, wrote a solid profile averaging 35 visitors a week and I have been on a half dozen dates so far. Unfortunately no follow up dates yet, give it time. Over all I'm liking the experience a lot more this time out because I'm meeting some really interesting women.

One thing I have noticed during my online dating adventures over the years is I face a quiet discrimination by women in the 416 area because I live in suburbs. I like living in Oakville, deal with it. I am quite involved in the local arts community and developed new friendships and re-connected with old classmates here, it is not living on the far side of the solar system and I can be downtown Toronto in about 40 minutes depending on the time of day and how I'm getting there. I love Toronto, I love exploring the neighbourhoods, my brother and his family lives in the Beaches and I have friends downtown too.

In a way this might be a blessing in disguise. Here is how I see it, if where I live is that much of a deal breaker, please move on, you have done me a favour. Chances are the women in question who passed me over because where I live are going to reject the next man's dating profile for some other reason.

My deal breakers are far less trivial like smoking, alcoholism, gambling addiction, anger management or lack there of, mental health issues and poor lifestyle choices, you know, important stuff like that.

I remain the optimist and I am in for the long haul not just online either in finding my next girlfriend. 

At the End of 2011

I have been quite reticent this year, not one to pump out content for the sake of it, if I have something to share, I share it.

Christmas has been a good this year and I'm thankful to have a great family and friends in my life. It wasn't the easiest December, I was in a bit of a funk, not "bah humbug!" more an upper case meh. Of course it didn't help it looked like an extended November minus the daylight in Southern Ontario, it felt like nothing was going right in a couple of different areas.

Getting back into the running groove helps courtesy Nike Plus, the most ruthless electronic personal trainer out there. So far I did 15.55 km this week and this will keep me on track and I need all the endorphins I can get.

The other thing that brought me joy was handing off some prints to my friend Anne from a family portrait shoot with her partner Glenn and their son I did back in the fall. Those prints in turn became christmas presents in their extended family. From what I found out, the prints were a hint in the Headon and Barley clans.

I'm still single and this holiday season it bothered me, there's still stuff I can't really talk about needless to say I took some control. No I'm not going back to online or speed dating, you could not pay me enough. I recruited an old friend Shelagh I have known off and on 31 years to be matchmaker. I trust her emotional intelligence and judgement, granted she's going through her second divorce but that's a story for another time. Anyway, Shelagh did two set ups resulting in happy marriages. Not bad from where I'm sitting.

What I did was give her an open deadline and my FB feed and account along with blogs be research material. Getting set up is one option for me, I am not out there actively looking but open to something magical happening. My friend Anne, the one I did the portrait session with, thinks someone is going to cross my path and sweep me off my feet. Now do I already know this woman or is someone new, Anne did not elaborate. Shelagh thinks the same way, sometime in 2012 someone special will cross paths with me and change everything.

Until that day comes I have a lot of cleaning house to do on the personal front to get ready.

Professionally, I am stepping up my job search a bit. The North American economy is stepping it's game a little bit provided events outside don't get in a way of cautious optimism.

So 2012, I'm ready for you.

The End of the Common Online Experience

I found this TED video in my Facebook Feed from my friend David Headon and it got me thinking, are we seeing the end of the collective online experience. With that I'm worried on two fronts, professionally it's bad enough to craft a message to break through the digital noise. A new problem I'm not sure even search engine optimization can address, your key message in your communications campaign might get lost courtesy algorithms used by Facebook and Google that will tailor your online experiences exclusively to the users preferences and online behaviour when it comes to searches.

On a personal level I'm a little scared at the loss of the common online experience, my searches will yield different results compared to yours courtesy my web use on any given subject. Thing is I don't know what the outcome will be with such a subtle shift with searches.

Fun with Online Dating NOT!

Hi, can I take your picture?
About me: Healthy Early 40 something gentleman working in PR and marketing with a passion for fine art photography, the sporting life, great outdoors, laughter, good company and intellectual pursuits.

Seeking that elusive practical chemistry with:

An attractive, intelligent, athletic, woman(30-42) with a creative bent, a sense of humour, loves skiing, hiking, running, exploring the hidden gems of Toronto neighbourhoods, dining out, and to be my co-pilot on road trips (bonus points if you can drive stick).

For dating and possibly more if the chemistry is right.

Here's how it works, it's easy: We meet for coffee and we'll see what happens from there.

I just pulled the plug on my Match.com account this morning, after a couple of months I was just not meeting the right woman for me and had enough. I gave online dating a second try back in January to widen my dating pool and to move on from a personal situation I am not comfortable sharing here.

I wound up connecting with 18 women online and met six face to face for coffee/drinks over the course of the winter and early spring. They were all nice, smart and attractive women but the chemistry was just not there. Of all of them, only two dates were curious about what I was really into.

It was not a total loss as I learned something very valuable, my next girlfriend/partner must have an artistic/creative bent, preferably with a passion for photography. I already have a professional network if I want to speak PR and communications, that’s easy. In my personal life, my creative outlet is what gets my motor running and I want to share that with someone who is speaking the same language I am, can bounce ideas off of and collaborate on personal projects.

Oh don’t forget chemistry. Even if you have the personal CV but the chemistry is not there, sorry it’s just not going to work; I learned that lesson the hard way.

I don’t know what’s going to happen next, I just want to lay low for a while and work on myself for a while. I Could use another lost weekend in the Beaches, no, make it a month.

Interview on TV Cogeco

I had a last minute interview on TV Cogeco earlier this month regarding Capture Oakville 2011. Usually I media train the Oakville Camera Club president however this time out she was was quite sick with a nasty cold. I stepped in at the last minute with an hour of self media training and did well considering the short time frame.